A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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