I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
