Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
