Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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