And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
