I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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