The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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