just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
