dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
