It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
