I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
