You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
