i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
