call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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