Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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