I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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