Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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