I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
