I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
