Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
