The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
