Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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