a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
