I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Randomize
