Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
