I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Boobs speak an international language.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
