can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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