you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
do herpes really smell.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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