So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
