I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
