If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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