Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
