no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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