she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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