so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
