id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I am one with the molecules
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
