i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
