if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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