Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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