they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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