Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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