Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
