The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
