YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
