This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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