just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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