I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
No more Irish car bombs ever.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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