Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
