Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
