I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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