Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
