You're my little dorito
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
