There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
